| Clement Tsai's: What is My Life Purpose? |
[September 27th,2009
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7:59pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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What would you feel about someone if they died?
What would others feel about you if you died?
What is my life purpose?
1. To give love to the world
2. To accept everyone for who they are and love them unconditionally
3. To die for those I care about
4. To have the courage to die for my mission
5. To bring music to the world
6. To inspire others to heights mentally, morally or socially
7. To liberate society from its illusions and claims imposed by society itself
8. To write a book
9. To document the story of my life, and have others learn from it
10. To be able to move thousands of people to tears*
11. To remind people that life is good, and to keep living
12. To help others find themselves
13. To find myself
14. To educate people less fortunate than I am
15. To show love to the people that care the most about me*
16. To love my family unconditionally, for I mean the world to them and they to me*
17. To show unconditional love, first starting with my family, then to my friends, then to society
18. To create a world where people would judge others not by their appearance, but the content of their character
19. To make others smile
this was written by a dear friend who passed away recently. suddenly. he was 19 and a half, a playful boy with a fantastic character. everyone knew him by his smile, happiness, enthusiasm and kindness. he was very contemplative about life right before he died, and this note was found on a crinkled line paper in his room. the ones with an asterix, he starred himself on the paper. he accomplished all these, we all feel, except 8 and 9. however, his family (parents and sister) are going to compile all his previous notes, blogs/entries his friends wrote, anything they can find into a book.
how did he die? he was on a journey.. from san diego back to his home in arcadia. he stopped by long beach to visit some friends, although his parents didn't want him to. finally, he decided to drive home but couldn't find his keys. after searching all over, he realized where they were and ran to the road to grab them - and that was when the car hit him. this story might not be accurate, but this was what i pieced together from everyone. there was some chance (albeit slim) of him making through the night. when i went to sleep, i prayed - it was the first time in a long time. i was so convinced he would make it through.. how could he not? he was such a strong person. but he didn't. thankfully, L and i are pretty close to long beach, and drove down to meet up with his family, friends and TKE brothers. we said our goodbyes. i was so confused at first, because he was alive.. but only on life support. i learnt it had to be taken off. there was no point as he was already brain-dead. kept alive by a machine. his sister said a tear rolled down his left eye as the line went straight. he must have known he was leaving for good.
he wasn't my closest friend. but trust me when i say, whether you knew him for 19 years, or just from one meeting, you would have known he was someone special. maybe we didn't realize it as much when he was alive.. maybe only when we said "oh only clement would", but we all realized it when he passed away. however, i think he really didn't die.. he is living in all the hearts he has touched, people whom paths he crossed. he even spent his summer in rural taiwan teaching english. that is selflessness to me. i think he is watching all of us and he is wrecking havoc wherever he is but also spreading love. mmhmm he would like that.
i will always keep your kandi bracelet. i know i was drunk when you gave it to me, "alpha male, alpha female" haha. thanks clement, i will remember to be strong. we love you : )
( clementtt!!! )
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| Adrian Tan's Speech at NTU Convocation 2008 |
[August 5th,2009
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4:38pm] |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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embroidery machines |
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Life and How to Survive It
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.
Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.
Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.
You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.
The good news is that they're wrong.
The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.
I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.
You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.
Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.
So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.
Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.
I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.
After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.
What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.
What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.
There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.
People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.
Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.
I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.
So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.
Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.
Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.
In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.
I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.
It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.
One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.
The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.
I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation.
That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.
You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.
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[February 28th,2009
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2:15pm] |
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music |
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norwegian recycling - how six songs collide |
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1. i don't believe in war
2. i love music
3. i love daydreaming
4. i like pretending that i am a psychedelic hippie from the 1960s
5. i love alphabet soup
6. i spelt out rhel ooi and lonzie ko with my alphabet soup today because i couldn't find c, h or another n so i used a z in place of it
7. i love soup
8. camp sig delt is overrr!!!
9. i have a lot of homework, reports, midterms, etc for the rest of my life
10. i love chocolate chomp chomp
11. i want to bake and cook but i have no money to buy the ingredients or time to make them
12. flowers are pretty, but they are beautiful when they mean something so much more
13. one of the first few things i do on sunday mornings is to read postsecret.com
14. sangria fresca is my favourite flavour of gum
15. but the first time i had sangria was last night (yay for nice server who didn't check my ID, "try the sangria, it's good!" "ok!!!" "you are 21, righttt?" "of course : )"
16. creepy cartoons are the best (tim burton!)
17. i want to watch japanese cartoons (spirited away, howl's moving castle, etc)
18. my future is so uncertain but yet i feel so certain about it
19. i like to stare at people
20. i like coupons but i always feel embarrassed to use them but after i use them i feel powerful!!! because i am an auntie at heart
21. i need a camera because i don't want to grow old and forget
22. i am stopping here since this is my favourite number
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[February 14th,2009
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8:09pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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dispatch - the general |
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ooh so this is what love is. ♥♥♥
happy valentine's day!!!
p.s. i am waiting to go to a very late dinner because it is a very late reservation.
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[February 1st,2009
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8:40pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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i don't blog anymore because i am running out of things to say here. i am running out of things because i already let myself open to more people than i ever would have. i don't speak because speaking amplifies all the bad things in life. i don't speak because i can't help but feel that life for me is over, though i know it is not, i just have to keep trying. but how many times can someone try before giving up? i really am not a strong person. i went snowboarding yesterday, and i only had that much energy to pick myself up that number of times before i ran out of energy. i wanted to keep on going but i COULD NOT. i was not alone but i felt i was weak and i let myself be left behind. it already feels like this, but i hope that this will not be the case in life.
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[December 13th,2008
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2:08pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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i had a nightmare last night. it didn't come true but something equally bad happened.
fuck my life.
if there was a 'broken' under my mood icons, that would be me. broken.
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[December 4th,2008
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12:46pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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i have a broken a personal record and am secretly pleased with myself.
yes i am in a horrible rut right now and i am merely hanging on by a thread. i have one lifeline and i am hoping and praying so hard that it won't fail me.
"i know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - jeremiah 29:11
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[November 16th,2008
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8:10pm] |
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mood |
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rejected |
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music |
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leona lewis - better in time |
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for those who are interested, my life really sucks right now.
fuck everything!
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[November 4th,2008
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12:25pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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jon mclaughlin - beautiful disaster |
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i know i love the californian sun, but this weather is kinda nice too. cold and windy, the feeling before/after rain. my favorite singapore weather here in LA, but better. all i want is to sleep in, with some hot (christmas!!!) starbucks coffee and some extra warmth.
but no, i had class at 8a.m. but i am still looking forward to my cup of starbucks on our drive back to palos verdes later. i say 'back' like it's my home. but it's not. it's back for him, and just someplace else for me.
christmas is the season of miracles.. right? because God knows I really need one. or five.
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[October 2nd,2008
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1:09pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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must everything be a compromise?
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[August 11th,2008
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3:12am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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wang lee hom & candy lo - hao xin fang shou |
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i've had one of the most fun weeks ever. i just can't explain it but everything was just nice. doing fun things with the people you love, no matter how tired or sleep-deprived or broke you are. damn. and then time had to FLY by of course, and i am flying off tomorrow. technically today. in less than twelve hours i would already be wandering around the departure area by myself, carrying with me my carry-on luggage stuffed with things i couldn't squeeze into my check-in luggage and a heavy heart.
i'm too sad to type anymore. byebye babies because i'm leaving. i'll be back!
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[July 26th,2008
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10:32pm] |
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 calm |
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time does fly, let's not kid ourselves by thinking otherwise. i'm leaving in about two weeks' time, i've had a good, though unproductive (in the eyes of 'normal' people) summer and i have to return to LA for some good ol' crazy girl screaming time.
last week my right knee became crazier than normal and i was semi-crippled for two days. the patellofemoral pain syndrome or more incorrectly, CMP (chondromalacia patellae), apparently renders me unable to do cool stuff like play tennis or 'disco dancing' (in the words of my doctor). i feel better now and i am ready for some disco dancing because i only have two more mambos left!!! plus disco dancing helps me lose weight which puts less impact on my knees, yes?
i am going to try like i never had before but i am also preparing myself for the worst. zen. love and peace all around xoxo
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[May 17th,2008
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5:33am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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josh kelley - opposite of me |
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i am back home. but then i started unconsciously calling LA home when i was talking to my parents. i was really excited to come back but halfway through my journey here i wished school never ended. i am very excited to see my long lost friends of course! i came home and i see that nothing much has changed. obviously i have more things than i thought i had, because i had to throw out an entire shelf worth of clothes to make room for my stuff. i have not switched on my desktop in nine months. i wonder if it still works. i wonder if it needs to work.
it's nice to be at home. i will settle in soon enough. i bought ginger a USC shirt, she looks adorable in it. i think i need a new phone with a qwerty keyboard, i type like a parent on my phone. i have to unpack the rest of my stuff. my room looks like a hurricane just went through it.
i thought i wouldn't, but i guess i do. this is total deja vu.
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[May 7th,2008
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8:46pm] |
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mood |
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 listless |
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music |
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jason mraz - mr. curiosity |
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the real reason that i don't try, is because i am too afraid of failure.
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[April 29th,2008
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7:26pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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the foundations - build me up buttercup |
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this is the point where i give up. the end is near, and i have to focus my energy and attention on other things which hold more importance. i have tried for a week and put in more effort than i ever should have. oh, for sure i knew i was running at the same spot in front of a wall. it was all to pass time anyways. so i'll pass part two to you and i'm gonna peace out.
there are always flakers in life. i might be overreacting but rollercoaster rides should not go on for too long.
i am a B/C average this semester, lovely. better apply to the business school before my GPA drops too low for me to get it. OH MY GAD my essays are so shitty and not moving and my finals are so soon i am screwed!!! i don't even get to play flip cup tonight!
my parents are so cute!!! i cannot wait to see them. i hope ginger remembers me!!!
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[March 30th,2008
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11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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wyclef jean feat. claudette - dance like this |
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longest weekend ever. so many activities. so much drama. i swear my life can be made into a reality tv series sometimes.
need to stop procrastinating and start studying for my organic chemistry mid-term which is tomorrow!
peacing out.
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[March 15th,2008
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12:59pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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SPRING BREAK!!!
hell week is OVER. life has been pretty good.
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[March 12th,2008
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6:44pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
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music |
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the academy is.. - the phrase that pays |
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please kill me. i have fallen into my own trap.
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[March 9th,2008
♥
11:15pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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tao zhe - pu tong peng you |
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a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. - marilyn monroe
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[March 8th,2008
♥
5:10pm] |
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mood |
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 quixotic |
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music |
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wreckers - leave the pieces |
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lessons to remember
1. what has happened before can happen again
2. nothing is perfect
3. think before leaping
things to ponder
1. stupidity
2. selfishness
3. greed
CRYPTIC. like how i read my really old blog entries and i try to date my life back to that point in time but i still have no idea what i am talking about. i always end up in situations that i don't ever wish for. it's not bad, but it isn't what i hope for.
haha btw a lot of teachers are getting facebook. they are catching on. i've been briefly stalking some rgs teachers. good times.
three papers due next week, gotta go back to my philosophy paper. i cannot wait for spring break! i spent the entire of yesterday doing nothing. i am amazing. i skipped four or five classes this week : ( no more skipping class next week!
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